it feels horrible to be driven by adrenaline everyday. sleeping only 3 hrs everynight, the only thing that drives you on was the need to get somethings done. you fool yourself to think u are not tired, not weak, not fragile, not broken. only when you reach a place that brings comfort, you realised u've crumbled into pieces and picking urself up trying to fix the broken part required an unimaginable amount of energy. not only do you realise u are took weak to pick yourself up, u realised people are kicking those pieces lying around on the floor. Kicking it into places where it will hurt alot to reach them. kicking into places where tears and sadness resides. you would then ask for help. asking people u love to pick u up. asking them to look for the missing pieces. but they simply have no idea where to start looking...they came, trampled on whats left of u, and left u more hurt and weak then ever. u were fragile, but u became broken. broken with missing pieces of you hiding in places u are too afriad to look under.
i am waiting for that day, where i have mustered enough courage and strength to look for those missing pieces. by then, they would have changed, and i hope i can still find some part of me in them. i hope it would bring comfort, familiarity and love. not loneliness, sadness, and strangness.
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