i'm only happy when it rains...

i really like it when it rains... it gives me the freedom to step out when everyone is running for shelter. the hear the sound of the splatter, to hear the sound of cars driving on a wet road, to hear rumblings in the sky, and to hear the rain drops slamming onto my window. the only think i dont like about rain is that i have to wash the car after it rains...

showers of light

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Originally uploaded by bigfatbeetle.

added some new photos in flickr. Started to look at photography with a different attitude. Some may say this is not photography, but to me, photography is just about techniqes and equipment to give u ultra sharp pictures. I want to use my photos to express moods, movements, emotions and purpose. Ha~ quite a mouthful of big flowerly terms, but painting with light is so much more interesting than a objectified shot of objects as subjects. the entire idea of a moving eye capturing movement lights can producing unexpected images is what i am into now. sort of like an alchemist.

they will see us waving from such great heights...

it feels horrible to be driven by adrenaline everyday. sleeping only 3 hrs everynight, the only thing that drives you on was the need to get somethings done. you fool yourself to think u are not tired, not weak, not fragile, not broken. only when you reach a place that brings comfort, you realised u've crumbled into pieces and picking urself up trying to fix the broken part required an unimaginable amount of energy. not only do you realise u are took weak to pick yourself up, u realised people are kicking those pieces lying around on the floor. Kicking it into places where it will hurt alot to reach them. kicking into places where tears and sadness resides. you would then ask for help. asking people u love to pick u up. asking them to look for the missing pieces. but they simply have no idea where to start looking...they came, trampled on whats left of u, and left u more hurt and weak then ever. u were fragile, but u became broken. broken with missing pieces of you hiding in places u are too afriad to look under.
i am waiting for that day, where i have mustered enough courage and strength to look for those missing pieces. by then, they would have changed, and i hope i can still find some part of me in them. i hope it would bring comfort, familiarity and love. not loneliness, sadness, and strangness.