if it makes u happy, it can't be that bad

i was having a conversation with D while driving her home about being happy. its a big topic to talk about. We can start from anywhere, talk about different groups of people, their definition of happiness, bla bla bla...
so i asked myself, what does it take for me to feel happy? In today's context, its obvious. i want to be healthy, to pass all my modules, to graduate, and be who i want to be. Boring right? i thought so too...So i went back in time, in search of my childish self (many will argue i dun have to find. i display that childish self everysingle day) to see what made me a happy kid.

when i was young, i stayed in various small towns in Malaysia. Its normally a house along a street, where kids loved to play along. i was a boring kid. No one loves to play with me. i do not have toys that i can share with them, nor i watched super hero cartoons that much so we can talk about it. Anyways, there was once, I saw this kid being chased after by a dog. It was no laughing matter! That dog, i remembered, was as big as him. He was topless, and was running and screaming at the same time. i remembered clearly it was like this,"arrghghghghg (pause) arghghghgh!!(pause) arghggg!!!(pause) arghh!!!!!!!!" it took me quite awhile to figure out that those pauses where needed for him to inhale air.
After that day, i started looking out for him, and that dog when i have the change to step out of the house, or be at the gates in the evening. Up till this day, i never figured out how he got away from that dog. Did someone safe him? Or he ran fast enough to reach his house? Or did he injure himself? i do not know. But i began to replay that scene in my head every time i stared at the road outside my house. To a point, i imagine myself to be the one being chased. When we had exercise sessions in my nursery, i would run up and down and ask my friends if my running was faster than any dog's pace. i would rehearse this fluid motion of running-bending down-picking up a rock-turn around-aim-throw at the dog sequence so that in an event of being chased by that dog, i can outrun, if not chase the dog away with my stone throwing skills.
day by day, i imagined myself as being able to outrun that dog, and being able to scare the dog away. My ego grew, and i was proud to be the one that chased away all wild dogs in the neighborhood. Kids would play with me cos in any event of mad dog attacks, i'll protect them. it made me happy! i was happy to be able to imagine how i would handle such a situation in my head while standing at the gates staring at the road everyday! i would then practice them in my own courtyard so perfect such skills. i would draw circles on the paved floor, and do a cow-boy shooting sequence like motion to practice my throwing. i would stand back face to that circle, turn around and throw at first sight of that circle. i would feel this incredible sense of achievement when i managed to hot the area of floor inside the circle.
Well, the problem is, or maybe the lack of problem is, i was never chased by a dog. i never had the chance to put that skill into practice before shifting out of that house. Well, it didn't matter anyways, cos the real pleasure and real happiness occurred in those instances where i successfully throw the stone at an imaginary dog, or when i knew i could run fast than a dog.
those were what made me happy!

go

i just wanna pack my bags again, hop on to a flight to south asia and start travelling again...
i just wanna go...

wiedenmann_averdiek_turntab.jpg

wiedenmann_averdiek_turntab.jpg
Originally uploaded by bigfatbeetle.

i need this table

IMG_6237.JPG

IMG_6237.JPG
Originally uploaded by bigfatbeetle.

diana ALWAYS walk into my room and say that it is messy. I'm amazed by how i work on my table too. i'm constantly running out of table space, and i think i need the turntable by Wiedenmann & Averdiek to help me solve this problem. see next post for this wonderful table that can change my life!
anyway, i was approached by one of the staff in campus crusades to design the handbook for their upcoming camp. been procrastinating it for days, and when i decided to start, i can't think of anything. the theme is 'hidden treasure' and i have no idea how to convey that in the cover page. i'm really starting to think if i can design anything at all...

chair

chair
Originally uploaded by bigfatbeetle.

first of my photos developed from film being uploaded. not happy at all with the results. its a mistake to use ISO 100 films in angkor. but i still like the colors of film. especially fuji reala, a new brand i'm trying. i have yet to send in the slides for processing, and i really really hope those 100vs will work better in phnom penh as most of them were street photography.
anyways, i took this shot in one of the morning, and i saw a lonely chair staring into the direction of angkor.